Somewhere toward the end of last year I started this blog. I’ve been a wannabe writer since I was nine or ten, and I’ve always allowed the world to tell me it was impossible. I spent a half century in this slavery of the mind. I’d had a stint of success when a teenager, but even then, I listened to Mom, Dad, the church. People who really didn’t understand me, or how the world works, told me I needed to be practical, and learn solid classes like business, accounting, computer programming. I was asleep one day in my early twenties when Dad was complaining to Mom about how I was taking “a little of this and a whole lot of nothing.”
Anyway, ever since I left my narcissistic ex-wife, I’ve been trying to do the healthy things I should have been doing all along. For about a year or so I went to the gym. I started writing in my journal, trying to get three pages a day written. And then I decided that I needed something tangible to give me incentive to be disciplined. If I had a blog, even if I didn’t have a lot of followers, I could tell myself “I need to write the next post. My followers want content.”
I think I have succeeded on keeping myself at least marginally diligent. All too often I don’t have the post done when I say I will, but I know I’ve averaged three posts or more a week since starting. 269 posts are under my belt. Granted, all too many are just snippets of video with some very minimalistic commentary, but I feel proud of some of the posts I’ve written. My first page, mentioned above, is my most viewed item, I believe, that I have ever posted to the internet, with 292 views. Not impressive, perhaps, but better than zero.
Last year I had 1755 views from 941 visitors. I have 555 likes and 181 comments. 1399 views were from the good ol’ US of A. 41 were from India (and I don’t doubt at least 30 of those are from the spammers who eternally hound me), and 31 were from my beloved Ireland (I’m going someday, if it is the last thing that I do).
I’m afraid the main theme of last year was desperately struggling to make my relationship with my significant other work. Ultimately, I failed. TikTok has a lot of people doing videos about “Who’s going into 2023 single?”. And then the person saunters in as the Justin Bieber song pipes in with “It’s gonna be me”! And the poster points at themselves and smiles or frowns. I’ve thought about doing this, but I honestly am too contrarian. Besides, when a woman announces she is single we all think “all right, she is single, let’s approach her.” Men on the other hand are just assumed to be losers if they are single.
I voiced my regrets in this blog. I talked out loud, trying to figure out how much in general is the current terrible dating world is men’s fault and how much is not. I said I was sorry for the things I’ve done, but I can’t be sorry for things I’ve never done. But in the end, it doesn’t matter. Whoever was right or wrong, it is over. From the post: ” I can promise you, her, myself, and God (or Cthulhu) that from the day I met my ex-girlfriend (and yeah, it hurts like hell to type the two letters “ex”), I neither wanted another nor did I touch any woman that way or talk to one in an intentionally flirtatious or seductive way.” “Well, it is over now. Time to get the detritus of my life out of HERs. Maybe pet the dog for the last time (Oh my god…who can I tell the dog what happened). And ‘watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools.”
Unless you suicide, you don’t get to choose how or when you die. I’d give so much to die in the arms of a woman I loved. Take a bullet for her. Save her life. Have her lovely face be the last thing I see as a leave a cruel world. Well, The Rolling Stones tell us “You can’t always get what you want.”
And yes…many of the 170,200 plus words I’ve typed and edited have had some bearing on politics. What (I hope) differentiates me is, I try to be human (I started that post with a sad, but sympathetic photo of Biden and I relay that I know how hard it is to lose a son, as he did). I try to listen to and state both sides of the argument. I try to point out when my own party has been flawed. And I try to interlace some humor in the hopes that it makes it easier to read.
“Whether any of this is true or not (and the Tired Blogger is too tired to do your thinking for you, agree or disagree with these folks as you wish, but I would appreciate comments letting me know why you agree or disagree), surely even the most radical, hardcore Republican can see why the Democrats at the grassroots level believe what they believe. Assuming that the political opposition only sees this one aspect of Trump, can’t they be forgiven for thinking the way they do? And the more radical and hard-nosed my fellow Republicans act, doesn’t that just feed into the self-fulfilling prophecy? Unless we have written off the Democrats as utterly reprobate (and I fear too many Republicans at the grassroots have), surely we can start a dialogue by damping down on the anger (some of which is justified). Martin Luther King did it with Republicans and won a lot of us over. Are there no longer statesmen willing to reach across the aisle and put country before party?”
“Neither party must believe the other right just yet. But both need to see there is reasonableness in the view of the other. We can both be angry at our leaders in Washington. We can both be angry at the Media and big corporations and globalist neighbors. But we HAVE TO STOP hating our neighbors. There are good reasons why they think the way they do. Accept it. Admit it. And start an honest dialogue between each other. Fuck the two parties. It is the survival of ourselves, our families, and our neighbors we should worry about.”
Last year I had five “tags and categories” tie for top spot. They were journalism, economics, Oklahoma politics, foreign affairs, and oil. Each of those has 26 views. The second “tag and category” is YouTube, with 12 views. And then there is another tie for third place, self-help, self-discovery, abuse, healing, and Christmas tied for third with 11 views each. My blog seems to be part rant, part political analysis, and part relationship analysis. With a weird niche like that, how could I help but succeed?
One last self-analysis, and then I will ask a favor and move on to the next thing. I am my own biggest commenter, as I try to respond to all comments. The next biggest is my best friend, who shows up here as Xman. He has been the most consistent, as well as the most positive of my commentors. Thank you!
What I would like from my readers is to let me know what you would like to read about next year. Is there a topic you want me to write about but haven’t? Is there a topic you wish I had explored more thoroughly? Is there a topic you wish I’d stop writing about? Do you like my efforts at being centrist, or does that make me seem too wishy washy? Do you think I am too harsh on any particular person, or do you think I’ve given a person too easy of a pass. Please comment, and let me know!
Tired Midnight Blogger (What Blogs at Midnight) 
“…I try to listen to and state both sides of the argument. I try to point out when my own party has been flawed. And I try to interlace some humor in the hopes that it makes it easier to read…”
That’s one of the great things about the Tired Blogger’s writing & personality— you rarely come into an issue with your mind locked in the trenches. Your actual research from others about the topic (and the links to it) guide both you and the reader to a logical conclusion — sometimes one that our Great Party Leaders don’t want us to find.
And tied for that #1 great TMBWBaM style is the humor! The wit, the sarcasm, the sardonic captions (those are usually the best), they can make a long read fun!
Keep up the great work, Blogger.
Write Well.
We’ll most likely trash it in the morning!
(my Apologies to the Dread Pirate Roberts)
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Thank you, my friend. Maybe we won’t make a stir. Maybe the media moguls will just bury us. But at least we did not go down quietly.
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For Noala you may see her anytime you want. I have told you that before. Just let me know when.hate your behavior but not your person . When you love someone, you can’t hate them. Totally intolerant to keep Noala away from you. She loves you! I’m sure she misses you. If you notice I didn’t change password on Netflix, or prime video. I’m not not planning to do so either. I have been working so many hours. I don’t know if use them or not.
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I have a new dog. I’m glad you are working. All I want is my computer back.
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I will let you get as soon my son leave. I want my stuff back
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I absolutely love this introspective and deeply relatable post. Keep pushing, and never forget, you are the only one who truly knows you in the end.
As an aside, I detest everything about social media, likening it in my mind to the town crier of yesteryear, the phone chains of a mere 30+ years ago depending on where you lived, and the like. I do not want others to know my thoughts every second of every day. I don’t even like my thoughts much of the time. It was when I terminated all of my social media accounts around 6 years ago that I began to see more and experience life.
You are amazing Curtis, truly, it is a pleasure to read what you write, and to have met you even if this was only digitally for now.
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Your writing is also amazing. I learn something with every post you write! Thank you for the compliment, it means a lot. Sometimes I think about getting rid of my social media, but then the books say it is the best way to promote your stuff. I don’t know. Often I think about getting off the grid and returning to nature. One day at a time. Keep writing in the year ahead please. History is a subject too few study.
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>>Besides, when a woman announces she is single we all think “all right, she is single, let’s approach her.” Men on the other hand are just assumed to be losers if they are single.<<
But they often think we're losers, too. They pity us. They approach us assuming we're very sad about being single and desperate to find a man, any man, to help us out of this awful situation. Or when we tell them we're not interested – because the way they approach us is often very creepy and sexist, or we're happy being single for the moment – they get aggressive and use it against us, telling us we're ugly, a bitch, etc. and no wonder we're single. And then there are the (usually) men who see us pretty much as breeding machines and think we're useless if not trying to get pregnant. The ways in which we're treated may be different, but having a relationship is also seen as important to women.
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Thank you so much for the comment Alicia! I let my bitterness get the best of me when I wrote that comment. Likely you are right, but it is true that a lot of us men feel that way. Whether you are single or taken, good luck in the New Year, and thank you so much for commenting!
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I always try to respond to these thoughts because we often have very similar struggles. We tend to suffer from the same stereotypes in different ways and benefit from changing these ideas together.
Best wishes for 2023!
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You are correct. There is a horrible divide between the sexes. Part of that is due to our differences, but I believed some of it is by design. Always feel free to comment, I don’t always get back to people quickly, but I try to respond to all constructive criticism. What resolutions are you making for next year?
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Women are as sexist if not more, do not make his pain about you. I know you may not mean it that way, but, women consistently ask to be heard (not fixed) and sometimes, men need that as well.
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That is very true as well! All too often we want to be the rescuing knight, when often a woman just wants to vent. Also, for whatever reasons, a lot of men I know feel we are responsible for our woman’s happiness (which is utter foolishness, we are responsible to be good partners and to be supportive, but everyone is responsible for their own happiness), and when she complains, our egos will often feel attacked. And sometimes that is EXACTLY what is happening, but I think the normal, non narcissist woman is often just trying to get the feelings expressed. They need that. And as you stated, men sometimes need to talk as well. Good stuff, thanks for the comment/input. I have some good folks reading these things.
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Agreed. Well said!
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Btw, I realize that comment seems off, it is not meant to be an attack just a reality – Men are from mars, women are from venus! (Both of your points are valid and introspective)
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Thank you so much for the kind comment. Yeah, I should do a better job editing these things, it did sound more growzy than I meant it to be. But in my experience it is true. A man (again, my experience, I realize at least one very intelligent woman has had a different experience) will often think 1) this woman is in pain and I can be her white knight, 2) she is SO AMAZING! Why would anyone hurt her? 3) Oh thank God, now I have a shot at her. All of which is mostly foolishness, but that is how a fair number of men I know (at least, I know I think this way) will react.
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Truth!
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I do think your comment seems off, you don’t seem to have understood my point and I don’t agree that men and women are from different planets. I think we’re actually very similar. And yes, women are part of a sexist society and even have internalised misogyny, e.g. women also believe women are less capable managers.
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Thank you for the comment and for the opportunity to better communicate with half the planet. While I agree my comment was off, if I’m misunderstanding your point likely me just talking more won’t help. Please share how I am off. Help me understand. I take the idea that women are profoundly different than men from my experience (which is sadly limited) and from the books I have read, especially “Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus.” I am in earnest, I’m sure most of the better men would love to come to a better understanding. I do agree on one point, I do think the sexes and genders are more similar than different.
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And as soon as I get my old computer back, I will check out your site. I’m afraid I’m working with my work computer and often it won’t allow me on other people’s sites. In the meanwhile, my apologies for not checking out your work in return.
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No problem, my blog is in Dutch, I assume you don’t know how to read that. You can find me on Mastodon though if you’re on there (atlantisblauw@mstdn.social)
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I am not on Mastodon, and no, alas, I don’t speak Dutch. One of the vast holes in my education is that English is the only language I have. I can read Cyrillic, having learned that alphabet, but rarely do I have any idea what I just read. I will check that out. But first, I must walk my dog and write a blog post. I hope you enjoy it; it will be about my vision for my blog, my life, and for a better world. Bedankt!
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Cool!
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Dating in our Western culture is such a delicate dance. And it is true, all too many men (not just so called “alpha males” don’t understand the dance well enough to know the difference between being confident and appropriately assertive searching for love, and aggressive bullying. I believe both sexes have their negative, the trick (which I have not mastered) is to be as excellent of a catch yourself, and then choose someone who excites you physically, mentally, spiritually, and then if the gods are kind, hopefully she wants you back. A good man will see you as a human being, not a machine. Some good men want babies, but some (especially us old codgers) just want love, romance, companionship, and, well, it would be sweet for there to be some physical chemistry. Even at my age I have this foolish yearning to conquer the world and lay it at my lovers feet. Anyway, long way about to say, good luck on your journey, hopefully love doesn’t wait too long to find you. I don’t know where you are, but at least in my neck of the woods there are men that don’t think of women only as baby making machines, sex toys, or servants.
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I once read that men tend to overestimate a woman’s interest in them, I don’t know why though. I think that’s part of the reason they can be so aggressive in their pursuit. And on top of that there are people, pick-up artists and some women, too, who tell men that women are just playing hard to get and it’s only a game. That doesn’t help.
I know a lot of nice guys, but they’re already in relationships. Let’s just say that if men are single at my age, there’s usually a reason for it that makes them unsuitable for a relationship. Either because there’s something wrong with them or they’re just not interested in committed relationships. Or sometimes still recovering from a divorce.
I really thought I’d met my person a few years ago, but he turned out to be married. He was the perfect guy, apart from that minor detail he forgot to tell me. Still hoping his wife will leave him, lol. (Just kidding.)
Good luck in finding someone. What you said, about being a great catch… I think the right person will bring that out in you. That’s how I experienced it at least, I just wanted to be the best person I could be and he made that easy.
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Thanks again for the comment. I appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable. I don’t know the definitive answer, but I think there are two reasons why men overestimate a woman’s interest in them. 1) From my experience, we want the woman to want us as badly as we want them. But 2) biology gets in the way. I’m not meaning to say “women are only baby making machines” but women are the carries of the baby. Since a woman will have so much invested in the baby, it makes evolutionary sense that women will be choosy of the men they mate with. Meaning, most myths and cultures (by no means all) have the man jumping through hoops and slaying monsters to earn the attraction of the woman. I don’t know, maybe I’m not making sense. Comments and/or corrections welcome.
Oklahoma USA is not an easy place to find love unless you have money and are under 25. Almost everyone is married by then.
I’m recovering from a divorce, ironically, I find more women attracted to me than when I was young. For that, I have no explanation.
I’m sorry your love hurt you. Joke incoming…for a small fee I can make the wife disappear. But no, it is difficult.
I hope you find someone. If we lived neared and I were good looking, I’d likely be hitting on you already. But I’ll be good…THIS TIME! lol
And yes, I can honestly say that most of my relationships brought out the best in me, at least for a time. Right now, I wrestle with the thought “what if it is too late?” I know I’m older, but I still feel the stir. I can still feel that yearning when I look at some women and wonder what it would be like to walk holding her hand on a beach or come home to her smile after a hard day at work. Other thoughts…well, if we are as similar as you say, hopefully a woman has at least some of those thoughts, if not for me, then for the good men around them.
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Most of what I want to relates to a career change. I always thought I was too old to start studying again and go into stem, kept finding excuses like how I don’t have the right diplomas and I don’t have the money etc. That’s all true, and I wasn’t doing anything about it because I thought it wasn’t possible.
This year I’m going to start by getting my high school maths, chemistry, biology and physics certificates (probably going to take 1 1/2 -2 years), figuring out what I want to do after that, finding out in which country it’s cheap to go to uni, and save as much money as I can to pay for it. Maybe I won’t succeed but at least I won’t have to keep wondering if I could have made it.
Other than that it’s making healthier lifestyle choices (sleep more, lol) and some fun stuff, like learning to cook new recipes, reading and blogging more, going to the beach more often (I love it but I never make time for it).
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Those are great resolutions! I too often feel I’m too old to make the dreams happen, but I always hated the idea of giving up. Keep working towards those dreams, if they don’t happen maybe something else amazing will. When work gives me a chance I’ll check out your blog. Thanks so much for the thoughtful comments
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