Author Archives: Curtiswselby
They say not to write a blog from a tired space, but I suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome, so frankly, everything I do is from a tired space. Likely I'm not doing the greatest job of search engine optimization. But I know there are others like me. Passionate about life.
You Too Could Be a Monster If the Price is Right!
Introducing the New Chairwoman of the Ministry of Truth
youtube.com/clip/UgkxASu8eiRe-g0KF1bVfbQFvmPbER-uuiIA
She has the right to say what she wants (though I’m surprised Disney doesn’t sue her) but….
Who’s Your Daddy? Bill Gates of Course!
youtube.com/clip/Ugkxp6-k_5s4Kq6kAyPGVU6USfQcMKEwS320
Guide us Bill Gates with your great pro…er….wisdom!
Get Out of My Way
Today the Tired Midnight Blogger is going to talk to ya’ll about the touchy subject of being in the way. I can hear everybody now….”What in tarnation does that have to do with anything?” Believe it or not, it is actually one of the most central themes of my life.
I’ll start at the beginning. My mother was both physically, and emotionally abusive. I don’t wish to belabor this too much, because I’m not intending to play on sympathy or anything, But my point is this: almost as long as I can remember I’ve had a feeling of not being wanted. Of being a pain and an irritant instead of a joy and a blessing. I know I was held a lot, and I vaguely remember that, but much more vivid was the times mother would turn a hate filled face toward me and start wailing away. She wanted a spotless house, and I was in the way of that. She wanted to sleep all day, and I was in the way of that. She wanted to eat half the food in the fridge, and I was in the way of that.
Get the picture?
Likely my readers are wondering “What in the world has this to do with all the recent stuff you have posted about relationships, abuse, and parenthood”? I have three reasons for writing about this.
- I’ve been reading a book where this is one of the main themes.
- I’ve been writing about the shadow side of feminism and this theme is key to understanding that shadow side.
- I am “adult child” of an alcoholic (as well as an abusive mother). We share certain key characteristics, and this is one of them.
A friend of mine loaned me some books the other day, and I finally finished one of them. The book was Jean Paul Sartre’s most famous novel, cited by some as the first work of Existentialism. The book title, simply, Nausea. It reminds me of Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment, because a lot of the narrative is in the protagonist’s head, the book has very little action. If I understand the book properly, Sartre is saying that life is dull and harsh and disgusting. He does not believe in God (or I believe he does not, if I am wrong, let me know in the comments), and therefor meaning does not come from “up above,” or from anything external to the universe. We make our own meaning of life. I need to do some more thinking (and overthinking….and rethinking….) about my own beliefs and how the book does or doesn’t fit with them, but there are several salient points it makes that I believe are very relevant to the reader no matter the world view from which you approach the novel. One of the most evocative moments in the book is when the protagonist gets a somber, sickening feeling of himself (and, frankly, of all life) being in the way.
And like the song says, “It’s all coming back to me now.” Maybe in the past I have read something similar. But I don’t remember any major philosopher’s talking about that feeling that has been with me all of my life. “You are not wanted. You are in the way. Everyone would be happier without you. You are taking up resources that would be better applied to someone or something else.” The only lesson that was more basic was “you can’t have what you want.”
On to my next point. Somehow I managed both to survive, and to end up with a scholarship (which I summarily lost), and went to collage. While there I was enrolled in a spiffy Honors course for English. The text book was Rhetoric in the Classical Condition. Along with that text the professor also printed out a fair number of handouts with articles that we would discuss or write papers about the rhetorical strength or weakness of the writing. I remember we talked at length about Kennedy’s speeches, Martin Luther King’s I have a Dream speech, Richard Nixon’s classic “Checker’s” speech. And a writing by a man who was very active in the feminist movement.
I can no longer remember (thirty plus years later) the man’s name, the name of the article, or frankly anything about it except one point in it. The author was at a feminist rally, and one of his feminist heroes gave a speech and was (for some reason I now forget) walking toward the direction of the man, and he decided this would be a wonderful time to tell her how much he thought of her and her work, and he asked what was the best thing he could do for the movement.
Her reply? “Get out of the way.” And then he finished the essay with a panegyric about how it was true, not just at that moment that he personally was barring this one woman’s progress to her car (or motel room, or villa, or torture chamber….hell….I don’t remember where she was going…and frankly, after her reply, I could barely care less) but that all men were essentially blocking all women from their God given right to happiness, and the world would be such a better place if we men, as the collective POS we are, would simply move aside.
When I was 19 I was supersensitive. I’d spent quite a long time feeling ashamed of being male. At this point I still had about six more years of wrestling with my masculinity. While I never did grow into a great paragon of masculinity (I use antlers in all of my decorating!) I did eventually forgive myself for the sin of being born male. This article was not helpful to me. I made the mistake of thinking this boorish woman spoke for all women. That basically, all women were like my mother. Now I know better, but at the time, it added fuel to the fire. Stay out of the way. Let the woman win. You have unfair advantages, so stay out of the game so it is an even playing field.
Now I realize that, while I have no more right to the desires of my heart than you (or any other man or women for that matter), I also have no less. And I have also grown up enough to realize that in no way does this woman really represent all women, or all feminists. Likely this is not even a fair event to judge her life time behavior by.
Having said that…..if you want me out of your way, you can either say “Please sir, would you let me through.” Or you can try to bully me out of your way and see how far that gets you. Sure, you might be able to push me to the side. But you had best hope you pushed hard enough I don’t get back up….
Ok, so I’ve rambled on in my bluster about how bullies, whether male or female, need not apply at the Hotel D’ Curtisimo Del Fuego.
Last of all….as I’ve already stated I am what is called an “Adult Child of an Alcoholic.” While I can’t find anything that exactly says “Adult Children of Alcoholics (and Dysfunctional Families, turns out there is a whole slue of bad parenting that leads to similar results) have a feeling of being in the way, there are plenty of characteristics which we share that I think can be stated more or less in this fashion…..
I’ll share some links with the information I’m about to share, so if you wish you can read more thoroughly about this fun set of grown up foibles:
https://www.verywellmind.com/common-traits-of-adult-children-of-alcoholics-66557
“Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside”
Writing lyrics like that, I can tell she is an ACA. And the internet conforms it.
Writing about all of the characteristics of an ACA would be a two or three blog post series by itself (which I may do in the future if enough readers are interested). But here I will simply list the salient ones:
- We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
- We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
- We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
- We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
- We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
I’m already at 1863 words here, so I reckon I’ll call it a post. Hopefully any reader still willing to stick around to the end of this post understands that most of those characteristics either evolve from or into the whole belief that we misfits are personally in the way, that the world would be better off without us, and nearly every day (thought as long as I can pet my dog it isn’t quite every day) is a struggle to force yourself to live in a world that clearly doesn’t want you.
Father’s Day to the Erlkönig
Father’s Day is a month and a day away as of the time I am writing this, and for the last decade or so I’ve gotten moody around this time. Ten years ago I was blogging, and I ended up writing three “Father’s Day” posts, which I may link to if I find one that isn’t too badly mangled.
Right now though, I don’t have the heart to do much. As those of you who are closest to me know, I am essentially grieving over my son. My ex wife ignores court orders to allow me to share him, and the police don’t enforce it (so why bother with courts, or laws, at all…..?) I haven’t been able to think of a topic since my last post about female empowerment: https://wordpress.com/post/tiredmidnightblogger.wordpress.com/1711mostly my mind has just been rattling around between “how is my son doing,” “what can I do for my son when the very law is not enforced,” and “how am I going to fix the mess that is my life?” Along with all the other million thoughts that go through a modern mind.
So I’m just going to prattle in this post about my random thoughts of the modern difficulties fathers face.
There’s so much going on in my life, in my mind, I don’t really know where to begin. But I’ll begin here. Twenty five years ago or so I was a lonely young man who couldn’t get a date to save his life. It is amazing how much of a turnoff bitter poverty is. But I also had some truly amazing blessings in my life, the foremost of those blessings being that I had the most amazing friends you can ever imagine. And a few of my friends were music majors at the time, and introduced me to some things that I have treasured all of my life, like Phantom of the Opera, classical music, and simply appreciating (a little) the hard work a musician can go through to master their craft.
But there were also many things I experienced and left behind. And I sometimes don’t even realize I’ve forgotten something amazing until the time comes when I hear the song again, or see the movie again, and then the haunting memory comes back, stirring the breath of old ghosts.
The other day I was talking to a new friend I have made at work, and we were sharing music, and he told me he loved Franz Schubert’s “Erlkönig.” (The lyrics are in English at the end of the post.) At first I thought it was something classical with which I was unfamiliar, but then the notes played, and I had visions of hoofbeats in my head, and for some reason I saw a man riding a horse holding a child close to him….and the German words played, and I understood them not, but I seemed to remember a story of a man racing a demon, or something, trying to save his son from the demon, but the demon came close and closer….and then…..
Suddenly the child in the song is crying out in the deep tones of the singer, “Mein Vater, Mein Vater!” And it all came back to me. I remembered my friends sharing a classical piece with me years and years ago. And the story of the child and the father racing an evil spirit, and I used to think “How hard that would be on a father.” I’d forgotten what it was like to yearn so much to be a father, and to fear I never would be one. And now here I am, more than 25 years later, a father….And those of you who know me best know that I have been racing a long time, hoping to save my son, and then he suffered heart failure…..
There are several experiences you can’t truly imagine till they happen to you. The first time you make love to someone. The birth of your child. Being abused. And while I’ve been lucky, so far my son is still alive, more and more the thought haunts me….I am terrified I will never see him again. And you can’t imagine how horrible it is to see your son in a coma in a hospital bed till it happens to you.
When I was maybe ten or twelve years into my marriage, I read the George MacDonald classic At the Back of the North Wind. It is one of the most confusing books I have ever read. The North Wind is a female spirit, a kind of a Fairy Queen who visits the child and flies with him on voyages throughout the world. The boy ends up badly sick, recovers, becomes a great comfort to his family, is told several fairy tales, and then at the end, the North Wind comes to him, and as the Spirit of Death, takes him away to Heaven. The only other person I know who has read it did not like the book, but I was told that they had a friend who had a child die, and that friend had told them the book explained perfectly how a grieving parent feels. I am thinking of picking it back up and reading it again. Some try to comfort me, telling me I shouldn’t dwell on the negative.
Recently, I watched a Youtube video my son produced. That is the only way I get to see him. He didn’t look good, and I became very frightened that maybe I have seen him for the last time. His graduation was Monday. Each child was allotted eight tickets. I went online, hoping to get two. And there were none, my ex had taken them all. So I emailed the teacher, and they were kind enough to get me two. So I went.
My son was not there.
Who’s riding so late, in the night and wind?
It is the father with his child.
He grasps the boy in his arm.
He holds him securely; he keeps him warm.
My son, why do you hide your face so fearfully?
“Father, don’t you see the Erl-King there?
The Erl-King with his crown and train?”
My son, it’s a streak of mist.
‘You delightful child, come with me!
I’ll play wonderful games with you.
Colourful flowers grow on the shore.
My mother has many fine things.’
“My father, my father, don’t you hear
What the Erl-King said to me?”
Be calm, stay calm, my son;
The wind is stirring the dry leaves.
‘Fine boy, will you come with me?
My daughters will wait on you nicely.
My daughters will lead the evening dancing
And rock and dance and sing to you.’
“My father, my father, don’t you see
The Erl-King’s daughters in that gloomy place?”
My son, my son, I see it indeed;
The old willow gleaming so gray.
‘I love you, I delight in your beautiful shape;
And if you are not willing, I shall use force.’
“My father, my father, he has seized me!
Erl-King is injuring me!”
The father blanched; he rode swiftly.
He held the moaning child in his arms.
With great trouble, he reached the courtyard.
In his arms, the child was dead.
Female Strength : Why It Is In Men’s Best Interests For Women to be Strong
I’ve been writing about the “shadow side” of femininity, starting with the Karen, and then moving into women being attracted to douche….er…..to abusive men. I have written two posts about the latter topic, including science establishing that they do, and exploring in the second post with why some of them do this. Now I’m going to explore the thorny topic of what can be done about this.
I’m going to discuss this topic on three fronts. I’m going to discuss what women can do about this situation, I’m going to relay what men can do about this situation, and last of all I’m going to explain the paradox of mating: why it really is in our best interests for the opposite sex to be strong.
I start with what can women do, because frankly, intuitively I think women suffer the most from the situation, and I also think they are the ones who, frankly, bear the most responsibility to make the change. If we rely on abusive men to change, we are frankly setting our whole species up to fail.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/head-games/201310/why-do-women-fall-bad-boys
The first thing the woman needs to do to help herself is to be her best self. In the first and second article above, we know that some women want it all, but if they are not nearly “perfect” themselves, a woman may stagnate in her apparent inability to get “it all,” and will all too often settle for an abusive, but good looking and seemingly wealthy partner. “Nobody will ever love me.” If her physical appearance is the best it can be (alas, there is almost as little point of trying the change the zeitgeist that the beautiful woman is the prize for a man, as there is of trying to change a woman’s mind about seeking the strong successful type. Rather than complain, we should just deal), she will feel less willing to accept abuse, feeling she can attract a better lover. So the make up, the nice clothes, the grooming, it may seem shallow on the surface, but it actually is one of the smarter things she can do.
Second, she should work on her personality. If her attitude is good, that is inherently more attractive, and she will feel this, and be less willing to accept abuse. So the whole PMA movement, cheesy as some believe it to be, may at least help a woman to a better mate, so there is no harm in looking in the mirror some days and telling yourself “you’re good enough, smart enough, and dog gone it! Men like you!”
Last of all, do some mental work. We are all attractive in our way, not someone else’s way. You may not be able to attract the same way Marilyn Monroe did, but you may be more like the great seductress Salome, basically using her intellect to lead some of the greatest minds in Europe astray. According to Robert Greene’s classic work Seduction, you figure out how you are most attractive, and who is most attracted to your type, and then decide who among the most likely candidates you want to attract, and then set your sites on them and get to winning their heart. I know….sounds simple, and really isn’t, but a woman who feels she is desirable because she knows how she is desirable, and the kind of man (or frankly, woman, I think these principles likely apply across the LGTB spectrum as well) who will find her attractive, has the confidence and competence to find the lover she wants, with no need to compromise her safety (in her mind) just to be loved.
So we have a strategy for women, what can men do about this situation?
The most obvious (but overly simplistic answer) is for us all to simply stop being jerks. The Feminist Movement’s answer can ( I think) be fairly summed up with the phrase: “get out of the way.” But I think the first answer is illegitimate on the grounds that only the men who actually care are going to follow this advise. The Dark Triad types will either blow this off, or pretend like they are caring for the simple manipulative reason that this gets them what they want, and we end up right where we started. The second is frankly even worse, because (again) only the men who care will follow this, which only paves a more perfect path for Dark Triad men to totally dominate the dating scene unopposed. In other words, these are the strategies we have been using, and they have failed both (good) men and women miserably. Only the Dark Triad men win in the extreme cases. This is the evolutionary reason why it happens, until it hits such extremes that it threatens the survival of the species, it has been the most stable system. And you thought you were fighting the patriarchy all this time, when all you have been doing has been to fall into their clutches.
The best thing for men to do is essentially, the reverse strategy of women. In other words, be the best man you can be, and likely you will have a better chance of attracting the woman you want, taking her off the market for the douch….er….Dark Triad types. Doctor Jeremy Nicholson says it this way:
“Given that, if you already have a successful career, you would be better off spending extra time in the gym. If you are already physically fit, then work on your personality and charm. The only exception to this rule is that, if you just want short-term sex, then simply max out your looks, masculinity, and sex appeal. Otherwise, the guy with a bit of balance seems to have the most satisfying long-term relationships.”
He goes on to say that you are (like the women) better off if you know what you want, and seek the right kind of woman who can meet most of those needs.
So men and women both can do something, but perhaps some of you (twenty year old me would be) feel a bit hollow about all this. “So Tired Blogger….you’re telling me women are being beaten, raped, and murdered…..and your answer is just to be excellent? What a crock!”
And maybe so. But I do think the best answer we have is for both sexes to be living by the Golden Rule. Not an unsophisticated version like a teenager might exhibit. But a thoughtful grown ups version. “I am the best man I can be, because not only does that lead to my best life, but makes me the best husband for the woman I love and best father for our children.” “I am the best woman I can be, not only because it is my best life, but it makes me the best wife to my husband, and the best mother to my children.” I’ll examine this a bit further.
I think most of us have this need to be needed. And when I say we should both be strong, I think a lot of people are thinking that this would remove the romance. I don’t think so. Because we basically need each other, any way, being strong mainly means that your partner will need you in a less painfully needy way. I’m going to leave some more links for further reading for those who are interested.
Meanwhile….what did you think? Is there a better answer that I am missing? Have you had experiences about this topic? Are you a narcissist who can give me tips on how to wrap my girlfriend around my little finger? Oh yeah….I forgot to mention the simple solution of simply enjoying being the abuser….what….? The police again!? I can’t have any fun I guess.
To me….this actually goes without saying. However, I realized before I hit “publish” I didn’t say anything about women learning how to protect themselves. I think men and women both should. Believe me, the ruthless sometimes need to just be knocked on their asses, and it is just that much sweeter when a woman does it to him….
Here’s Johnny!!!!!!
I’ve been writing about the darker side of femininity, although today the man is going to take the spotlight in all of his nurturing glory. I’ve written about the concept of the “Karen,” and I’ve written about the science behind whether women really do tend to be attracted to men who exhibit characteristics of the so called “Dark Triad.” Here are the posts if you haven’t read them or would like a refresher.
https://wordpress.com/post/tiredmidnightblogger.wordpress.com/1622
https://wordpress.com/post/tiredmidnightblogger.wordpress.com/1655
Now that you have some context….I’m going to wine for a bit. Hopefully I at least make it entertaining so that my readers stay with me. In order to do this though, I will have to bring out twenty year old Curtis and ask his opinion of it. Fifty year old Curtis’s rant would be….shall we say…..less entertaining…..
Twenty something me: Do you women just hate yourselves? You throw away your lives and virtues on dogs that are not worthy to lick the paws of a mangy cur from the gutter, when there are so many men who would love you, value you, respect you, give their lives for you? What did you do that was so terrible that you have to return again and again, to men that lie to you, cheat on you, beat you, take your money and spend it on themselves, father children on you only to abandon you to the street once they have had their way? Why couldn’t Roxane love Cyrano? Why couldn’t Fantine love Jean Valjean?
Fifty year old me, the one who has outlived Cyrano de Bergerac by sixteen years, Alexander the Great by seventeen years, and Joan of Arc by thirty one years….all I have to say is, “You want that sumbitch instead of me? Yeah, that scans. I’m with someone who is five times smarter than you, three times sweeter, and has twenty times the experience you do. And she loves me, so I’m good. Have fun. Hey! I got the coolest meme on Facebook! I’m gonna share that with all my geek buds!”
Now that I have that off my chest, let’s get to the real meat of the subject. The first thing to discus is why does this happen? Once again, lets look at the science and see if it can shed any light on this issue. First the article, then the analysis:
According to Psychology Today:
“Women’s mate preferences, along these lines, were explored by Buss and Shackelford (2008). The pair gave married individuals questionnaires that assessed both their own value as a mate and their preferences for a mate. Results indicated that women in the study desired men with traits in the following four dimensions:
- Good Genes – Men who are more masculine, physically attractive, good looking, fit, and high in sex appeal.
- Good Investment Ability – Men who have high potential income, are educated, and are older than the woman herself.
- Good Parenting – Men who want a home and children, who are fond of children, who want to raise them well, and are emotionally stable and mature.
- Good Partner – Men who want to be a loving partner.”
Looks like a mixed bag to me. The first two could include subsets of “Dark Triad males,” but I cannot imagine those guys as good parents or partners. So what explains women who want the douchebags who are good looking and rich, but are terrible parents and partners? Again I look at the article for guidance.
“Buss and Shackelford also found significant correlations between the women’s own physical attractiveness and the levels that they expected of male partners on each of the traits. In other words, as the title of their article indicated, they found that “attractive women want it all.” Less attractive women, in contrast, tended to reduce their expectations on all traits across the board, settling for a bit less in each area.
However, the authors hypothesized that depending on the circumstances, some women might employ a mixed-mating strategy. Rather than settling for less-than-ideal traits in one single man, these women would mate with more than one man, to mix-and-match the best traits overall. Usually, this would involve short-term sex (single parenting, cheating, cuckolding, etc.) to get good genes from a fit and masculine man while getting investment and parenting from another man with good resources. Such an arrangement would most likely occur when, 1) the woman was lower in mate value and could not secure a single man high in all traits, and 2) her situation allowed her to mix-and-match without penalty or obstacles.
Thus, women appear to want BOTH the nice guy and bad boy. Ideally, they want to get all of the above in one man. If they cannot find a single man to fit the bill, however, then they might settle for less all around, or mix-and-match between the two types.”
The article also mentions that women often exhibit a change in strategy as they age, younger women going for short term flings, older women going for a long term partner. Which frankly matches what we all thought.
Basically, the why is all about breeding. The bad boy tends to be handsome. The bad boy breaks the rules and (often in the short run) tends to (seams to) be richer than the nice guy who buys into all of societies bullshit and attempts to make it the honest way.
So there you have it folks! The reason women want bad boys is because, they don’t really want bad boys. They want a unicorn. They want perfection. And to be fair, men are the same way. We want the curvy wench who is Mom in the kitchen, a maid in cleaning the house, and a porn star in bed. I don’t doubt this tendency drives women as crazy as the whole “bad boy” thing drives men crazy. But yes, they want tall dark and handsome, the bad boy who grows up and becomes a great parent and father because of their love. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t doubt sometimes it happens. And yes, the love of a good woman hopefully does help us grow (having said that, if you don’t think it works the other way too, you are fooling yourself).
At least in my experience, bad people just stay bad. The whole growing up thing…..I know it is a process, but the Dark Triad folks….I’m sorry, but all their growth entails learning how better to manipulate and use you.
Let me know if this was helpful (or too bitter….or not bitter enough), and I’m quite open to ideas, so if you want to read about a certain topic, let me know in the comments and I’ll see what I can do. Hopefully next Monday I’ll have a post about what we can do about this scenario (believe it or not, yes, there is something to do besides wining or joining a monastery). Peace out ya romantic scamps you…..
Bad Boy!
Last week I dealt with the modern meme of the Karen. I notice the views on this post are abysmal, so maybe it was not the best. As promised, this post I intend to discuss the concept requested by my significant other: why do (some) women end up attracted to “bad” men?
I’ll start the discussion with the news story that prompted the request to write this post.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/10/alabama-prison-officer-vicky-white-inmate-escape
Essential “Cliff’s Notes” version for those who don’t know or don’t wish to read it….Vicky White was a prison officer for sixteen years. She was “a model deputy” according to Sheriff Rick Singleton (help me Rick! What….don’t get the reference? What kinda movies ya’ll watching these days?). She served as an assistant director at Lauderdale county jail. She had known Casey since 2020, but as far as anyone knew, he was an inmate and she was deputy; so far nobody has come forward saying they had ever expected a relationship. Then she announced her retirement. She sold her home for a song, and on her last day of work, she told everyone she was taking Casey to the local court house for a psych evaluation. While this was contrary to protocol, it evidently raised no eyebrows. Nobody payed any attention, and the two made their getaway (I’ll bet they raise their security standards now…..).
As you can see from the above photo, there are women who are simply attracted to abusive men. Vicky White was on the run with her (possible) lover for a week, before the police caught up to them, and she shot herself rather than face the music. Afton Burton started writing Manson when she was 17. She was drawn to him because of his environmental writings. She felt certain he was falsely accused, and was actually a heroic environmental activist. She wrote him, fell in love with him, and moved from Indiana to California (are we sure that was why she moved? I mean…..wouldn’t you make up almost any story if it got you out of Indiana?), and in 2007 started visiting him in prison. She pursued this romance until November 7, 2014, when they were granted their marriage license. She was a ripe old age of 26…..Manson was a spry 80 years young. So romantic, I hope they make a Hallmark movie out of it. I can see it now….
Afton Burton is a worldly wise environmentalist….Charles Manson the wrongly accused cult leading serial killer. She finally finds the true meaning of Christmas in a conjugal visit amongst the rats and the roaches of Corcoran Prison. Set you dvr for Hallmark as we present to you….Satanic Serial Killer Santa and the Climatic Conjugal Clown College. Yeah Clarence….I take it back….let me be dead….bring back Pottersville. Just don’t let me remember the horror of Hallmark.
“Ok Curtis, you have made your point. Two women fell in love with terrible men. That doesn’t mean anything. Like Joe Rogan’s ivermectin medicine….totally anecdotal.”
Fair point. Is there any science to back this up? It seems likely that there is at least some truth that some women love the “bad boy.” But is there any hard science to help us out here?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/head-games/201310/why-do-women-fall-bad-boys
The above article in Psychology Today tells the story in some detail, and gives the results of two studies, one a survey of men, the other of women. I frankly don’t care about the first study….I’ve heard too many men brag about their sexual conquests to believe half of what we hear, and to be really blunt….who cares what men think women think (myself included). What women are thinking is what is at question.
According to the study by Gregory Carter of the University of Durham, a survey of 128 female undergraduates (granted, not a perfectly random survey, and I think likely there need to be more follow up studies, but hey, it’s a start) found that the women surveyed significantly preferred the Dark Triad traits in a potential partner to “control” traits.
So we’ve established there is at least some science supporting the “bad boy” hypothesis. But the tired blogger is getting a bit too tired. So….I will continue with part three of this series, hopefully I will post it by Friday. I intend to discuss why women do this, and how we can make the situation better. (Yeah Curtis….and I want a unicorn and a billion dollars for Father’s Day……)
And, since women like bad boys….ya’ll can fokken thyselves! I mean….have a nice day.
Karen Wants to See the Manager
And…..I hit publish before I was even close to finished…..
My apologies to the twenty people who follow me. Well….except for the bots and spammers….they can bite me.
On a personal note, I’ve been struggling with depression. Those who have struggled with it know that it can leave you drained and uninspired. I haven’t really felt like writing. Or bathing. Or waking up.
I’ve had two requests….one was to write about the history of the Karen meme. The other was to write about why there are so many women who are attracted to abusive men. Neither of those topics felt inspiring until I realized….there is a running theme here, the destructive elements of femininity.
Today’s topic will be the Karen, my next post will be about women who are attracted to abusive men. So let’s begin.
Oh, and um….Karen at work…..? Yeah, you are nothing like this. I’m proud to work with you, and frankly they should be using my ex wife’s name….but you can’t always get what you want…..
Here I will list some websites I used to research this topic:
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-53588201
https://www.insider.com/karen-meme-origin-the-history-of-calling-women-karen-white-2020-5
The “Karen” is the entitled white woman (or whitish….I think there have been other races involved in the trope, but this isn’t rocket science so let’s continue) who complains for petty reasons to managers, police, or other authority figures and use their privilege to get their way. Some are more successful than others.
My ex wife was the ultimate Karen. Anything in the world that was not exactly to her liking was a Federal case, and her ability to just let something go was virtually nonexistent. I used to tip wait staff very well in the hopes that it made up a little bit for her constant complaints and having to have everything just the way she wanted it. She refused to order off the menu, she always had to put her own touch on things. God forbid that we should simply eat in peace after I had worked my eighteen hours that day….no….everyone around her had to be made to suffer, and to understand that she was the poor victim, so abused by a world that didn’t put enough alfredo sauce on the ravioli. “And God said let there be grief, and there was my ex, the narcissist. And God looked upon this and saw it was very grievous. And the Devil was with her well pleased.” God spare me the bane of perfectionism.
The topic is controversial because many white women feel like this is just another tool of the patriarchy to silence them. And that may be so…..having said that……
Part of the archetype goes back all the way back to the horrific days of slavery in the old South. Anyone who has read Uncle Tom’s Cabin remembers that the second most evil person in the book is Mrs. Shelby, who literally sells Uncle Tom down the river when her husband Mr. Shelby, who had promised Uncle Tom his freedom but never drew up the papers, died. I know a lot can be said about the patriarchy oppressing the women at the time, but many slaves were more terrified of Miss Anne than her father or husband the so called master of the household.
My last point is….these often aren’t women who are protesting horrible things. If they were yelling about rapes or about a woman’s struggle to raise a child alone in this society, then I’d say there is a point to those who say that the term “Karen” is sexist. But most of these women are themselves oppressing people who they see as beneath them. Like the woman at the Wal Mart who was mad at me for being on the aisle filling my product. “You shouldn’t be in the way. You are only a worker.”
And that is why we hate them. These women are insulting folks who are often just trying to get through a hard day. Or just trying to enjoy the birds, or park in the first parking spot they find. Karen’s will stop at nothing to destroy you if you are in their way. A black man is in the woods and you don’t want him there? Call the police and say he is attacking you. A barista of Hispanic descent wants you to wear a mask? “I want to talk to your manager.” Ok…..fine….technically these a are men and therefor in some sense part of the patriarchy, and I get as a wannabe revolutionary we want to “confound Jerry at every turn.” But if these women were people of character, if they were actually brave and not just bullies, they would go after Bill Gates or Vladimir Putin, or at least the white president of the Home Owner’s Association. No….let’s be gutless cowards and go after lower class workers who are living paycheck to paycheck and make sure their suffering increases a hundred fold. Jesus said what you have done to the least of these, you have done unto Him. So think about it Karen’s of the world….what have you been doing to “the least of these”?
This article in The Atlantic does a wonderful job of telling the two sides of the story, how a fair number of white women feel the label of “Karen” is yet another tool of the patriarchy to keep her down.
https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2020/08/karen-meme-coronavirus/615355/
But the article also explains perfectly why so many of all sexes and races hate the “Karen:”
“The target of Karen’s entitled anger is typically presumed to be a racial minority or a working-class person, and so she is executing a covert maneuver: using her white femininity to present herself as a victim, when she is really the aggressor.”
Karen’s of the world…..I applaud you! Your passive aggressive tactics are stellar. You get the best of both worlds….both a baby and a bully, is it any wonder that the “Karen” and the “Miss Anne,” whatever sex, whatever gender, are despised? I think you have taken the idea of passive aggression to the most excellent end you could, and when after a lifetime of tyrannizing the rest of us, whether we be black or white, Hispanic or Asian, straight or gay, male, female, or something altogether unknown to me, we will all applaud when, in the Judgement Seat of Heaven, our Lord says to you “I never knew you, depart from me, ye workers of Karen-ness!”
Tired Midnight Blogger (What Blogs at Midnight) 